Day 61: Prezi crazy

I recently got offered the Vice President position for the SIFE group at my school. I'm extremely excited for the opportunity.

First task so far, design an ah-mazing prezi presentation for the SIFE national competition. My group wants me to design a prezi presentation. I have to admit, I'm already slightly bored with prezi (they need more fonts!) but I look at the task as a challenge to do something really different.

I tackled the storyboard last night. I really wanted to create some sort of story to go along with our presentation. Stories are always more memorable than stating facts after fact.

Here's what I came up with so far:


No one will be able to compare to us.

raw sugar

Today was the first time I've told any school friends that I'm pregnant. It was accepted well and with congratulations. I've finally decided to only take 2 courses this semester. The courses hold a reasonable amount of work, cheap textbooks and basically no exam. My prof makes me laugh.
I'm happy that I'm still in school. I have so much free time... at least until the baby comes out.

I felt very exposed and raw when I informed my friends of my "secret". My heart was racing and my face felt like it was on fire.

The thing I hate most in the world are secrets. I hate the idea of people hiding the truth.... it's one thing to have private matters but another to go out of the way to be secretive about something.
I hate hiding. I hate secrets.

I'm a very truthful person. I tell the truth and I usually do it bluntly. It is a quality that many appreciate but also fear. My argument is that if no one else will tell you the truth, at least its good to know that one person will no matter what. I appreciate people who are honest. It takes courage and integrity to be able to speak the truth because, hey, it's reality.
I believe that as long as the truth is not used maliciously or is not fully backed up with facts, then it is one of the most important things in the world.

These past few months have been brutal for me. It feels like life is forcing away my most cherished values. My family still do not know I'm pregnant. Every time I leave my house, I have to go out of my way to wear clothes that "hide" my baby bump. And then, when I amongst ordinary people, I spend my time worrying about whether that person who just eyed me knows the truth. I don't like to blame things on my mother. I find it very irresponsible because at the end of the day, my actions are my decisions. It's just that my mother adds so much MORE stress onto the situation than necessary. I run out of the house wrapped in my winter coat because I fear she'll demand to see what exactly I'm wearing and than lament about how fat I am. I've had to physically go into hiding 4 times so far in the last month. My family or my mom's friends stop by and I have to either confine myself in my room or leave the house and find someway to pass the time.

I kept the baby. I didn't murder it. Shouldn't God be looking down on me smiling? Shouldn't He shower me with blessings? Why then does my life still suck? It seems like I'm just starting down the toughest road of my life and the end doesn't seem to be anywhere in sight. I try my very best to optimistic and happy but some days, everything just seems so hard and fruitless.

But, what can I do accept keep moving, right? Time will pass and this will all be a distant, sad memory.

Someone asked me whether, in hindsight, I would have aborted the baby.

My answer is still no but, honestly, I never knew it was going to be this hard. I did not expect my life to look like this. I did not expect to feel like this.

I envy the girls who could abort their babies. Ya, they would always wonder what-would-have-been but, all those thoughts would be what-ifs.... they didn't have to live it. They didn't have to live through the shame of being single and knocked up.

I guess the "right" path is always the hardest.

UGH! Procrastination bite my ass!

I'm drowning in school work..... but some reason I still feel no urgency to crack down. I'm sitting at my desk trying to edit my STRAT man paper. My group members have atrocious grammar. I haven't even GOT to editting my part. I have to not only read the entire 100 page paper but write up summaries for each part. FML.

My most hated group in this semester is by far the "asian" group. Me and 3 asians are never a good idea. They drive me UP THE WALL!!! They are so indecisive, social-inept and stupid..... ya.... just plain stupid. It took them 3 weeks to finally decide on an idea for this competition we are supposed to be entering. I got so mad at them every meeting. Now I'm stuck trying to make sure we're all on the same page because it's due in 5 days..... and I'm pretty sure nothing is going to be coordinated at the end of the day. FML.

Japanese class??? I can't even imagine how badly I'm going to fail on the final test. Stupid Kanji.

My favorite group this semester (all boys) is not doing that much better unfortunately. We left the paper to the last minute and are relying on this woman to basically answer all our questions by Friday. ONE DAY!!!! How is she possible going to do that in one day? What if she is busy and can't check her email!!! ARGH!!! PROCRASTINATION!! FML.