I don’t care if I can or can’t. I’m going to do it anyways.

He's Mr.Big.

D.... I've realized that he is my version of Mr. Big.

I've just spent the last 4 hours watching Sex and the City: Season 3: Disc 3. And I get it. I finally get why this show is so popular.

Sex and the City gives me that "feeling".

The "feeling" that life out there could be some much better; so much different. Life can be filled with shoes, fashion, laughs, men and independence. Is it ironic that I'm having this "feeling" with only 2 weeks away before I pop out a baby?

Back to Mr. Big. If you've never watched a Sex and the City episode, let me quickly update you. Mr. Big is Carrie Bradshaw's (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) man-child ex-boyfriend turned boyfriend turned ex-boyfriend, etc, etc. He is her central relationship. THE relationship that revolves around all her relationships (and there have been many). He's the one guy she always obsesses about and can never truly get out of her life. They have this spark, this underlying connection that always flows in-between their exchanges. He has this pull on her. He just has to smile and she back in the palm of his hand thinking that she knows who he truly is.

Sound familiar to anyone?

It's pretty much the delusion that almost all women fall for. We think we know the guy, we think we have this deep understanding that no one else has with him. But are we wrong? Are we thinking this way to make ourselves feel more special or is it true?

I'm totally pulling a Carrie Bradshaw. But I warned you.... I'm experiencing the "feeling".

I realized yesterday that whether D and I want it or not, we're going to be spending the rest of our lives together, connected by this one child. Is it ironic that one year ago from today, I was telling D that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, only to break up realizing I didn't want to spend another minute with him..... only to have fate make sure that he never gets out of my life? Is he Mr. Big?

Mr. Big is exactly like D. A child stuck in a man's body with man responsibilities. A man-child who thinks that just because he has a man's body, he can do whatever he wants, have whatever he wants and use anyone he wants. He takes advantage of Carrie, even though he knows he can't make her happy. He knows that she loves him and uses that to make himself feel better when he's in the shitter. Who cares if Carrie gets hurt? She'll always forgive him and be there because she loves him. She loves him..... and all she ever gets is hurt.

Is this who I'm doomed to be like? A successful, independent, brilliant woman who never really gets her heart back?

Whatever...

I don't care if I can or can't. I'm just going to do it anyways.