Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I wet myself on the first day of work.

You know when you're in one of your "moods" and it seems like the world is out to torture you by throwing mini eggs at you.

Ya. That's been me for the past 3 days.

I've been a bit moody.... cranky, some would say. Which, I can see, but I totally blame the world. It's not like it's helping me at all to ease my crankiness.

Let me begin with Sunday.

Sunday was supposed to be good. I was going to watch The Time Travellers Wife, something I've been looking forward to seeing since I read the book before Christmas. The movie was on my laptop, so I had to connect some cable from my computer to my TV screen. The cable's connection happened to be behind the TV, which required me to squeeze into that tiny space, bend 90 degrees and try and screw in the bolts. Slightly impossible.... I think soooooo!!

Nothing showed up on the screen.

My technology-illiterate mother had purchased some weird crystal light and had unplugged random stuff in order to make room for it. I blame her and her stupid light.

My best friend and sister just sat there on the couch trying to come up with excuses to not have to get up and help. And, of course, being extraordinarily pregnant and cranky, I started to see red, rage spots. I tried to control it because I could just picture my child's head blowing up in my uterus from the pressure of my rage. Didn't work. The sound of me jamming away at the TV remote got louder and louder. Finally, my best friend, fearing that a blow-up was fast approaching, rushed to the TV and tried to fix the issue. Two seconds later, I realized one of the settings wasn't on PC mode. Theresa.... zero

I got to watch my movie.... but it just wasn't the same. My crankiness just wouldn't leave me alone. "I'm going to screw you over again", it kept saying.

I was ready to go to bed at 9 but remembered I had to print up my funeral plan for class the next day. I had finished my plan a while ago to prevent from having to do any last minute rushes. Of course, it was then that my printer decided to not work. For some STUPID reason, 3 out of my 20 pages read:

"Page 3 out of 6 Page 4 out of 6 Page 5 out 6 Page 6 out of 20 Page 7 out of 20....."

After 30 mins of swearing and threats to my computer, my printer submitted to proper page referencing. But to get back at me, it would only allow me to print off one page at a time before jamming.

Printer.... one

Monday looms with little sleep.

My bag is packed. My snacks are packed. I'm ready for school.

I realize I forgot to print up my bibliography. Oh god.... I hope the printer doesn't remember last night.

She totally does. Refuses to print. Mucks up my page referencing AGAIN!!!!!!!

Printer... two. Theresa... zero

I've almost reached the end of my straw. To get back at the world, I decide to enjoy a leisurely, scrambled egg breakfast (which makes me late leaving the house).

World.... three. Theresa.... one and a half

Before running out of the house, I went to my room to make sure I didn't leave anything behind (forgetfulness is one of the most common ailments of pregnancy). I looked at my desk and saw my credit card.

Do I need my credit card today?

No Theresa, you're trying not to spend any money.

Alrighty, then! No credit card! Take that evil, money grabbing world! I have conquered you today!!!!

I pull into the parking lot, walk to the pay meter and remember that I always pay with my credit card. I have enough change for 20 mins of my 3 hour class.

Meter.... one. Theresa... minus one

I run to class. I reach my class just in time. I sigh with relief. I reach into my bag to get my tasty snacks I had preciously prepared the night before.


I put the snacks in the wrong bag.

World... ten points. Theresa.... minus thirty.

I spent the evening watching Sex and the City season 3 to numb my cranky monster but just ended up getting mad at Big.

Tuesday approaches. My first official day at work.

First on the list... my weekly doctor's appointment. My doctor likes to keep her patients waiting at least half an hour before seeing us. I don't know why. I don't see a problem with just scheduling us half an hour later and meeting us when we actually come in. I wait 45 mins. I'm the last patient in before lunch. I'm supposed to get some swabbing done so I sit in the room with only a sheet covering my lower half. My doctor forgets me. Ya. I sat there, straining to hear through the walls what my doctor was saying. I start to picture her and the nurses sitting down to eat sandwiches.

I was supposed to be at work in 4 mins.

Once I heard the word lunch (or sandwich, I forget), I jumped off the table and threw open the door. The wind blew up my sheet scaring my doctor.

I arrive at work 30 mins late with my forehead vein slightly pulsating. The car parked next to my spot left me 4 inches to crawl out. My belly got stuck. I had to re-park my car. I walked to the other side to lift my 35 lbs bag. My bag + belly couldn't fit. I had to engage my non-existent ab muscles to hold the bag over my head and wiggle out of the parking spot. I received a mighty kick in the bladder for that movement. I lost a bit of bladder control.

My first day at work and I wet myself.

World.... winner. Theresa.... the crowning of shit-tacular.

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