Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Designing Happiness

My best friend found his hero this holiday. He described the guy as really "special".

This guy was a loner. He was extremely anti-social and was doing nothing with his life.
He worked, went home, went to bed, and then woke up to start the cycle again. The most mundane, un-meaningful life one can imagine.

One day, he woke up and realized that he hated himself. He hated how he looked, how he spoke, how he acted, how he lived. He hated everything.

In that instant, he decided that he wanted to change.

People say this all the time. People also know that the change rarely lasts.

I love the feeling I get from working out. At least once a month, I make a vow and a detailed plan laying out how I'm going to get my ass to the gym. I've only followed through 3 times with each attempt lasting for about 1 week.

The BIG question in life is why can't we permanently change? I took a managing change course last semester and my prof spent a full lecture on this idea of why people can't change. His conclusion? It is IMPOSSIBLE to change. Period.

"It's not about changing", he said. "It's about adapting". I actually kept the notes I took that day but for the life of me, I can't find it right now. I'll get back to this idea after I find my papers. He had a very sound theory.

Anyways, this whole idea of change is in an attempt to do what? Create happiness right? People want to be happy and successful and, often, they don't know how to. This blog I like to follow, Presentation Zen, laid out 9 Simple Ways to Bring Happiness into your Life.

This got me thinking about people's pursuit to happiness. How do individuals find happiness in their lives? What do they do to make their lives happy?

The first article I read got me thinking about how insanely busy women find happiness. With this baby, I'm forced to think about joining these ranks.

Everyone has a different view and idea of happiness. Some people argue that happiness comes from living a balanced life. Some say it's from having children. Some say it's from having a successful career. Others argue happiness comes from religion.

For me, happiness comes from within. Live your life keeping true to yourself.

I find happiness in the simple things; like a big, comfy chair to read in. I have a huge list in my precious notebook that is titled: ALL I REALLY WANT IN LIFE. I have stuff like: big windows, ONE pretty, wooden cutting board I can cut and serve food on, to sit on a beach at least once a year, etc.

I'm in a constant battle with myself over whether to keep my baby or give her up for adoption. I think about it all the time.

At the end of the day, happiness is my biggest deciding factor. I WANT to be happy. I want MY BABY to be happy. The question is.... how am I going to achieve this?

I can't help but think about how much I'm setting back my career for the baby. But then, sometimes I think that I CAN DO IT! I could be a mother to this baby AND have a fun, marketing-crazy job. I feel selfish that the baby doesn't really come first (I DO!). Still, I think the baby's life will be happier if I'm happy, right? As I was growing up, my mother was very unhappy with her life. My dad's side of the family are assholes. I have a lot of bad memories from my childhood. Lots of yelling, resentment, sadness.

Children can FEEL that stuff even if you don't voice it. I want my baby to be raised in a happy atmosphere. I want it ALL. I want everything in life. My mom says I want too much and that I won't get it and become depressed. I don't know. I want my daughter. I want her to be happy. I want to be happy. I want a successful career. I want to start my own business. I want to change the world. I want to be a good mother.

Happiness is something we all struggle for. How we find it will be different. I know that if I stay true to my heart, I will be able to create my happiness.

When I heard about my best friend's "hero", I was inspired. Here's a story about a guy who had nothing and changed his life and found happiness. His story is what invigorated me to start thinking about my life in terms of happiness.

In my next post, I'll continue telling the story about this "hero".

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